Gay Threessome Topic discussion excerpts

I havent MADE the time for ages to get back to my NAKED MIND here in text.
Let me first make a quick follow-up with regards to the triad discussion/interest. The Website link I suggested in an earlier post (www.gay.com/news/roundups/package.html?sernum=1258&navpath=/
channels/health/mental/&from=homepage) has had a series of comments that have erupted in a debate over the subject of Gay-triads relationships. Very heated discord among some of the readers and contributors. I highlight this merely to point out how contentious the subject of Polamory is even among many in the GLBT communities. One resounding critique, with which I agree, was on the over-all superficiality of the original article. As a caviat one should perhaps credit the original gay.com article with having even begun to seriously discuss or highlight this relationship constellation which has been hidden in the shadows or only highlighted within the titalating pages and screens of contemporary gay pornography. One commentator puts it succinctly "...Whether you're trying to promote, highlight, or just introduce this topic you really have to present more in-dept information. The interviewer was far too nice and not nearly probing enough, accepting everything that was said at face value...."

One of the descenters begins "...I'd like to think that I have an open mind, but when it comes to this subject, to the 'triad' spotlighted in this article, well, I just don't understand..." and he continues with (which in some cases is true) "...As far as the triad goes, it's nothing more than fetishism? Nothing wrong with that, but there is no real need to involve a third party, that I can see, other than a couple coming to the conclusion that they no longer stimulate one another enough, that they are bored with eachother, that pleasure and gratification are more important than sacrifice and the difficult work we are called to in human relationships to combat stagnation...." and I really respect this smart guy's perspective (though I strongly disagree with its concrete position). He goes on to say "...We come together, we couple in pairs, to experience the human drama on a deeper level. Even if we are not spiritual or religious in our personal lives, when we merge with another person in life, in love, we grow, we begin to feel more connected in a universe that feels so much more alive to us because of love. Yes, we can love more than one person, but the work a couple does is about sacrifice. Besides, I would never want to feel responsible for holding a third party back from experiencing the fullness of a love a partner fully dedicated to them could provide..." this coment is somewhat dismissive "...A relationship between two people--once all the infatuation wears away--involves an incredible level of commitment, sacrifice, and love...but for those few who make it work over the long haul, the rewards are unmeasurable. That being said, I don't see how a "triad" can even begin to accomplish this level of intimacy--introducing a third creates a situation I don't believe the human mind can fully handle. I'm not saying it won't work, even for the long term, as a stable relationship--but it won't ever begin to approach the depth of a traditional couple...." and ".. i dont see how you can have three people in a relationship and how you can "love" both parties. to me thats not a commited monogomas relationship and i personally think its wrong...."

Positive responses included:
"...ive said for a long time , this type of relationship with two men would be perfect for me..."
"...I've aways thought that a triad (or other number combination) would be the best kind of relationship for me. Cultural and social institutions support, prop-up and perpetuate the myth of the couple as the "natural" type of relationship/partnership..." and another man was stronger in his commentary "...I can not believe how judgemental other gay men can be about different types of relationships. I am in a relationship with the same man for 7 years. We are open and invite others into our sex lives. I would not be opposed to a triad. i have had friends in triads and they were quite happy and still are. It's just not weird to me. I do not think we, as gay men, should judge how others choose to love. To say that it's a fetish or their relationship as a couple was not stimulating is a judgement none of us should make..."

Fortunately some men currently in Triads have made their own commentary:
"...The guys criticizing the depth of the article cannot comprehend how difficult the dynamics would be to put into words. How do you describe how to ride a bike? We did not want, seek, or imagine how a triple would work for us. We even agreed, my original partner and I, that we did not want this, but we loved him. He brought light to our world, he brought humor, he brought a life less serious than our career-driven, wealth-motivated existence as it was before our partner joined us 5 years ago...." he continues"...We had a rough couple of first years, and as hard as we worked to always say "....we never feel left out, or ganged up on..." we finally had to come to terms that this will indeed happen at times. And when I have faced those moments, I remember that these men, either of them, would give their life for me without question. I would also do the same for either of them. I remember that I will not face any of the following life events alone; birthdays, weddings, funerals, births, and break-ups for friends...." and some men have tried to clarify the discussion (which occassionaly devolved into some immature bantering that one finds on some of these discussion boards) "....there are some serious misunderstandings going on here. Not every experience in triads is inherently the same. Triads are not the same as open relationships. They are not monogamous in the traditional sense but they can be just as exclusive as a two-person union. It is a personal choice between the people involved as to how they create their union and therein lies the complication..." and he also continues "...What gets convoluted in the discussion of triads is the assumption that they are open relationships. They are not. It is part of the process of becoming a triad. The three people in the union must be able to share an openness between one another in order to establish this type of relationship. It does not mean that there is an open-door policy where partners come in and out without affect.People in triads choose to be exclusive to one another and share the experience only between themselves. How deeply they love each other and how profoundly it changes their lives is something only they can know and it is up to them to decide if it is what is right for them individually and as a triad. There are people out there that don't seem to get that. Even if we are discussing a two-person coupling, the same argument can be made. No outsider has the right to judge or assume what is right for the people in that union...." and finally "here's nothing like personal experience to open one's eyes. I have been with my partner for 20+ years, and in the last few months a close friend of his has become a loving part of our lives. We are talking about living as a triad. My heart feels so huge! I love these men, and the fact that they love and care for each other fills me with delight. It's not about sex -- anybody with an imagination can figure out how to have a three-way. It's about sharing life together, not possessing each other but truly wanting the best for each other. There aren't words to express how grateful I am for this profound experience. I feel surrounded by love."

It was difficult to go through 27pages of commentary (which included some bitchy commentary) and so my excerpt citations do not refelct the full story. I hope that I will find and make the time to continue to explore the subject (in text and in real life)



*Cocopierre*