GEZEL

I am still in shock today. My eye lids are aching and tears burning my cheeks all night long. Sunflower called me from Amsterdam last night to tell me that geZel(Eddie) has committed suicide on Monday night in Utrecht.
I had the largest emotional/sexual/intellectual love-crush with geZel, one that i never confessed as we developed our friendship. I thought it would simply remain my private sentiment for many years to come and i would allow and explore the friendship we had already embarked on. after all he was already married to Fred, a man he never brought to faerie gatherings and (thankfully?) lived in Utrecht,the Netherlands. I have avoided in real life to have a "type" but in my fantasy life geZel was my perfect type- intellectually/physically/sexually/creatively with a pragmatic sense of spirituality. i last heard from him 2 weeks ago when he thought that he was feeling better after some serious delusions and confusion back in january/february. We had a telephone date that never happened.
These are some fotos I received through the years from geZel .
I will really try to reFocus for the moment int he next days and 2 weeks. i must revisit this deep saddness and shock- but also try to think about what the rational pragmatic Eddie would also perhaps whisper in my ear as the correct steps to take to move positively forward.
 (more to come as i meditate)

Eddie loved sending me this foto of him in this creative drag. I love the adorable cock bulge of his embossed velvet skirt

Eddie loved costumes and embraced his dutchness as well as his eatern european family roots

he sent me this foto after we were chatting about blondes (an earlier post of mine) he wanted show me what a cute blond he was as a teenager. Indeed.

 what more can i say about a man in  a Kilt! geZel was on-target even before we met!

In August 2010 he went to Mexico on holiday and he sent me this revealing "Bollywood" moment taken by Fred. Below he's eating some sort of crazy mexican worm.

he bought what he saw as a completely tasteless outfit! horribly over-designed jeans and matching t-shirt. Success!

Softman in a hardhat- he loved costumes and i think got such a sweet kick being a walking pin-up man. It gave me butterflies and a hardon when i saw this foto (i think taken by Junis)