THE PLAYER'S TRICKS

C in Miami has told me my BF is a "Player"
- the Urban Dictionary gives this (hetero) definition of Player/Playa.
It also seems to be a topic on some discussion boards.
The whole topic makes me think of several things - first it makes me think of the ethical slut ) a book I know several people have been very enthusiastic about) and the second is Radical Honesty )a somewhat fringe movement)
The first (from what little I know) urges both personal freedom in sex and relationships  as long as it is done compassionately and with care for others and oursellves (i have probably fucked up the thesis -but that's what i know on a superficial level)
the second is about absolute transparency- especially (if not exclusively) in personal relationships.
Radical honesty from what I understand promotes (from their website:

What is Radical Honesty? Radical Honesty is a kind of communication that is direct, complete, open and expressive. Radical Honesty means you tell the people in your life what you've done or plan to do, what you think, and what you feel. It's the kind of authentic sharing that creates the possibility of love and intimacy.
The practice of Radical Honesty is based on the work and writings of Dr. Brad Blanton, a psychologist who found that the best way to reduce stress, make life work, and heal the past is to tell the truth.

I've already been dealing with this disruptive element in our relationship when I came across the home stash of lube and condoms.
Our disruptions have happened before-and it's made me reflective about previous  relationships.
The BFs ongoing collection (below) of fuckbuddy candidates ( a partial fragmented selection with missing Latins and blackAmericans)
The BF refused to "friend" me on facebook- So i insisted after waiting for such a long long while (ie 2-4months).
He has recently spent 30days  taking emergency hiv retro-viral drugs after a failed condom during a fuck buddy date- So it is a surprise of sorts that there was some level (which remains unclear) of "Playing" either during or immediately after the medication period. This facebook netry merely hints at this- needless to say a frustrated American man who had been in  correspondence and didnt know the current state of affairs,

NY/NJ tourist in Berlin...no hook-up (FB 25Sep2010)

(i was conveniently busy on–1)Straßenfest 2)CSD 3)Art-installation for 48StundenNeukölln)

Berlin Fckdate (Friedrichhain)

UK fuckdate (London SE)

"I`m a normal man, and i like masculine men, slim or athletic. Not looking for any form of expectation. I go with the vibes and the flow.......And please, I`m only looking to meet masculine non-flamboyant men. And not into immature young boys!"

B. was horrified when he found out the guy he was having sex with was my BF. We know each other for years. His "pick-up profile" put it on the line:

"Let`s just keep it simple. Sex anytime of the day or night is cool if you are up for it! A nice guy is a turn on for me and naked body contact. I feel you and you feel me. I LOVE TO KISS! It makes me hot.
Do not be shy about sending a message. Let's meet up and see what happens!
Oh yeah! A nice package is a plus but not a must!
If you think you are the one send a message and let's meet.
If you have a partner great for you but you are not my type.
Please do not send a message without a picture. I am not a chatter! NO TIME WASTERS!No MSN!
I LOVE SEX FOR A LONG TIME AND 3 or 4 TIMES A DAY! I WANT TO RIDE YOU AND YOU CAN RIDE ME"

O. on the other hand is a bit cagey. A very quiet calm guy with a solid academic job (university library) who ritualistically comes to Germany, Sweden etc with semi pre-set fuck-dates which includes my BF.  I was so profoundly shocked that they were scheduling fuckdates for the instant we returned from Christmas holidays at my BFs parents (an extremely stressful holidays for me-regardless of how nice his family can be) They've taken fotos of each other as well as videos.
O. also hooks-up with another acquaintance I know here in Berlin, a questionably "dodgy" guy with looks to kill.
"Looking for European friends when I visit Europe for vacation."

Dicksize	M, Cut
Position	Bottom only
Fucking	Bottom only
Fisting	No
Safer Sex	Always
S&M	No
Dirty	No
Fetish	No entry

I can see the compatibility between O. and my BF.  Two permanently horny  non-committal book-nerds. Both into interracial-sex, one "top-only", one "bottom-only". Indeed if they would both be up-front about it to me I would find it less upsetting-indeed they're perfect for each other and thus have sustained a "relationship" for some years now. The secrecy is too french for my taste.

I am certain that some of the "contacts" have and will remain only "verbal" contacts. I too have chatted with people that I have no intention of "hooking-up" with at all. In fact I have only limited it to massage exchanges. That's my own choice and act of sexual fidelity- it now feels empty and meaningless when placed side by side by this ongoing deceit of multiple sexual relationships spanning Berlin and London (and would include Paris and New York if those other destinations were accessible).

It has been instructive to understand how harsh the BF can be through this online Chat transcript.